The Ballad of Scrooge McDuck
by The Illustrious Crackpot
Summary: Every epic hero needs a ballad. Here's Scrooge's! Apologies to Don Rosa for my deliberate stealing from his work.


**The Ballad of Scrooge McDuck**

(composed rather humbly by The Illustrious Crackpot)

Way back when in the days of yore,

A Scottish duck was born so poor.

The latest of noblest line McDuck,

They called him Scrooge though he was down on his luck.

When he turned ten, his family came

And bought him a gift to prize.

A shoeshine kit for lad McDuck,

He couldn't believe his eyes.

He shined the shoes and worked the town,

Though he was still a mine'.

He made a lot to help his kin

And there earned his first dime!

_Scrooge McDuck was down on his luck_

_And then he got his gold_

_The Glasgow kid with his specs and sides,_

_His story now is told._

The family had a grand chateau,

The McDucks were great but now in woe

The Whiskervilles had eyed the plot

But Scrooge drove them out of the ancient lot

Having saved his ancestral home,

The lad did cross the sea.

America he'd heard of once;

It must be the land for he.

His Uncle "Pot" and the yard of ships

Took him as cabin boy.

There he bungled the Beagle troupe

As if they were a toy.

_Scrooge McDuck was down on his luck_

_And then he got his gold_

_The Glasgow kid with his specs and sides,_

_His story now is told._

The kid went out to the wild west

At fifteen was this awful test

His new name here was "Buck McDuck"

The Scottish kid who was down on his luck.

He got a job with the Cattle King

After beating Jesse James.

He met near-president Roosevelt

And traded off their names.

Scrooge whipped McVipers into shape

And taught them not to steal

Bringing back prize bull of the herd

Just for a decent meal!

_Scrooge McDuck was down on his luck_

_And then he got his gold_

_The Glasgow kid with his specs and sides,_

_His story now is told._

Prospecting was his next try

The duck could take an egg and fry

But copper was the thing he struck,

Poor Scrooge McDuck was down on his luck.

Then copper price did rise and soar

But no more veins could he see.

Then Rockerduck showed him how to go—

Prospector, too, was he.

Then a vein was found, and Scrooge McDuck

By Apex Law had won

The biggest copper mine in the land

But had to take the dough and run!

_Scrooge McDuck was down on his luck_

_And then he got his gold_

_The Glasgow kid with his specs and sides,_

_His story now is told._

Back to Glasgow went old Scrooge,

Seemed his folks were back on dues.

His uncle, sisters, mom and pop

Had to pay their rent or life would stop.

The Whiskervilles were back again,

The dastardly brothers two.

They wanted the land so they might find

Some treasuries a-few.

But Scrooge McDuck, he battled 'em blind

And set them on their tails

The rent was paid up and young Scrooge

To America back would sail!

_Scrooge McDuck was down on his luck_

_And then he got his gold_

_The Glasgow kid with his specs and sides,_

_His story now is told._

Africa was next for him,

The place were gold was last struck in.

He was still on the trail for shining ore

When his gear was stole by a nasty Boer.

Scrooge had trusted him with his life,

And paid in tales was he.

But Scrooge went right to sleep and snored

With Afrikaaner set to glee.

He went straight to town the very next day

And gave a lesson to the Boer

Enemies he'd seen a lot,

But Flintheart Glomgold was more!

_Scrooge McDuck was down on his luck_

_And then he got his gold_

_The Glasgow kid with his specs and sides,_

_His story now is told._

Pizen Bluff was on the list

And Scrooge went there to find his bliss

The Dalton Boys he shot right down

And made a line to Australia-town

Hoodwinked and a-robbed was Scrooge

But that was not the least.

An old man was a mentor to him

And told of the great Platypus beast.

Scrooge tamed an emu and off he rode

To reclaim his very first dime

And found through the story of Platypus beast

Where to go for his good time!

_Scrooge McDuck was down on his luck_

_And then he got his gold_

_The Glasgow kid with his specs and sides,_

_His story now is told._

Off to the Yukon was our duck,

The poor Scottish lad so down on his luck.

He took a loan from Soapy Slick

And was connived by a lowdown trick.

But up the mountains Scrooge did go

To find a cache of gold

He ventured where none had dared to go

And none could say he wasn't bold.

He gave it to that Soapy Slick

When Soapy went too far

Now Scrooge has tons of gold to have and hold

While Soapy's behind bars!

_Scrooge McDuck was down on his luck_

_And then he got his gold_

_The Glasgow kid with his specs and sides,_

_His story now is told._

Back to Scotland our hero went,

A billionaire but his nature was bent.

He made his sisters straightways pack

For America where they headed back.

A man named Coot had sold some land

To rich man Scrooge McDuck.

So he made his way to Calisota

Now back within his luck.

The Beagle Boys he stopped again

And got something else as well:

Sister Hortense did love a man

And their tempers coupled like hell!

_Scrooge McDuck was down on his luck_

_And then he got his gold_

_The Glasgow kid with his specs and sides,_

_His story now is told._

Several years after that trick,

Scrooge was in the best of schticks.

His money was more than most had seen,

But his sisters saw how he turned mean.

He destroyed a village in his wrath

Of a duck who's crossed the edge.

His sisters left him in shame;

Of goodness, Scrooge had but a wedge.

He took twenty years to get back home

But scorned his sisters once more.

He was the richest of the world;

But life alone—was he still poor?

_Scrooge McDuck was down on his luck_

_And then he got his gold_

_The Glasgow kid with his specs and sides,_

_His story now is told._

It's 1947 right now,

And Christmas in Duckburg was on the prowl.

Scrooge has been absent for many a year;

What of the outside had this duck to fear?

Donald, his nephew and uncle to three,

Was in Scrooge's cabin for a night.

Not seeing the miser, he left for the town;

Huey, Dewey and Louie not the least bit affright.

Scrooge met them while chasing the Beagles boys,

And his adventure awakened once more;

Cold heart melted by nephews and all,

Now the rich duck is no longer so poor!

_Scrooge McDuck was down on his luck_

_And then his nephews came._

_The rich old man with the specs and sides_

_And the tale of the folly of gain!_


End file.
